Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this piece are the author’s and do not necessarily represent the position of Positive Women’s Network – USA.
by Brooke Davidoff
February 25, 2019
I found myself yet again in an OB GYN’s office listening to something terrifying, this time after a follow up from an abnormal papsmear. It indicated not only Human Papillomavirus, but also precancerous cells in my cervix. My mind flashed back to my first infectious disease doctor in Seattle who let me know HIV was not going to kill me, cancer probably would. ‘Not yet,’ I told myself.
“Infections with HPV have been identified as a cause of most cervical cancers. Among HIV-positive women, HPV infection is a particular concern, and cervical cancer is considered an AIDS-defining illness.” To be sure, your doctor will likely order two other tests — a colposcopy and a biopsy. (amfar.org)
Of course, I did what most women do after bad news, I needed a drink. It was the middle of the day. I had the afternoon off work, and my son would still be in school a few hours. I headed straight to Starbucks. I am not an addict. I do not have a coffee problem. Sometimes an ice vanilla latte with caramel drizzle solves my emotional problems.
As invasive and disgusting as pap smears are, being a woman living with HIV, they are extremely important for our health. We are at a higher risk of developing HPV and cancers than negative women. It was scary enough to be diagnosed with HIV in 2010 while pregnant. It was equally horrifying being told in 2018 by another OB GYN my abnormal pap smear indicated precancerous cells on my cervix. I was terrified and scheduled a colposcope.
It was scary, yes. It was not, however, the end of the world. It is an additional risk I was not fully aware of. It’s just another sign that death comes for us all at some point. Keeping on top of your personal medical care, not just taking your HIV meds, is important. I am thankful and grateful my OB GYN saw the cells and followed up to investigate what was found.
40 years old and very single. I plan to have no more children in my future. If the doctor was to find any cancer down there after this colposcopy, the option of removing anything and everything would be fine with me. Then I did the next thing I do in a crisis. I called my mommy. She offered to go to this appointment with me, and she requested that day off work.
I waited two weeks for the appointment that I was afraid to go to. As nervous and determined as I was that this would not be how my story ends, I walked in all adult-ish with my mommy. I filled out paper work and was called back into an examination room, my mom stayed in the lobby. I got undressed, hopped into everyone’s favorite examination table in my fashionable ass-less gown. The nurse came in and asked me to lay down. She gave me a heating pad to but over my abdomen to help me relax. Soon after the Dr. came in ready to begin.
During a colposcopy, the doctor inserts a speculum into your vagina to look at your cervix with a colposcope. This is a tool that has a lens and bright light which allows your doctor to get a better look at your cervix. They swab your cervix with vinegar or some other liquid solution. It will highlight suspicious-looking areas. Your doctor will then be able to see them through the lens on the colposcope.
If the doctor finds areas that don’t look right, a sample called a biopsy is taken. The sample is sent off to a lab for further testing. Yes, it was scary, and yeah it hurt. However, I’m not ready to die of cervical cancer while I aim to educate women on HIV and how to prevent it, or how to stand up to stigma. All these items are important to women and our health. I can’t pick one topic because they are connected and impact us all.
My doctor informed me she removed all the suspicious looking areas she saw. After the results were back, she would let me know if they had cancer and if I needed a more intrusive procedure as a follow up. The scraping of my cervix hurt yes, however; it did not take long for the procedure to be over. I was sent home in a pad for post-bleeding
After the Test. If you have a colposcopy without a biopsy, you may have very mild spotting. If you had a colposcopy with a biopsy, you are likely to experience some vaginal bleeding and mild cramping for 24 to 48 hours after the procedure.
Like most of you, I dread doctor appointments, especially ones where I have to get naked and lay on a table under a paper half dress making myself vulnerable to a complete stranger. Sometimes not knowing what’s going on in your body is more comforting than the truth. The scary reality is I only have ONE body and one life. I have a son who is depending on me to be alive as long as I can, no matter how afraid of these appointments I am.
Some reasons your doctor might want you to have a colposcopy include:
- Your Pap results were abnormal
- Your cervix looks abnormal during a pelvic exam.
- Tests show you have the human papillomavirus, or HPV.
- You have unexplained bleeding or other problems.
I just need to find the balls to schedule the anal cancer screening my doctor has been hounding me to do.