October 31, 2016
by Christina Carta
I too have touched many people. I’m tired of hiding behind the mask. I put on my face and seem so happy but so broken inside. Here is the letter I wrote this morning.
My way of socializing: 😉 I do vblogs on educating others on healthy eating tips and recipes on how I lost weight. Also dealing with depression, I cook, I paint, I sing karaoke or sit back and watch a good comedy; laughter is the best medicine. Sure, I am still in my house, but stepping out of the box and letting others see my life, my world, living and dealing with chronic illness, the side effects to my meds I take for the seizures, the dizzy spells, the sickness I deal with and the depression. I don’t get out as much; I’m afraid to drive, my balance is off at times and my legs hurt so bad I can’t even walk…dealing with these issues, living alone when I’m home mostly by myself, it’s scary not to have anyone around. My kids are almost grown, busy with college, and can’t always be around.
People have watched me deal with this when I have not even let my own family in to know about my health. I put on my face (makeup), kind of a shield to hide behind, and the smile I always carry on my face so others don’t see how broken I am inside.
We all have ups and downs a part of life. But for someone with health issues that cause long-term effects that are so disabling and can’t be reversed, only treatment is provided to help and the side effects to meds are also not the greatest.
Having done this mostly on my own, raising my children as well, I have done pretty well. I had dreams; I was able to catch those dreams and turn them into reality. I’m a writer and blogger, former nursing professional, and a motivational speaker. I speak to colleges and schools and have for years. I’ve been in many campaigns and magazine articles as well, which I never spoke about but which can be found online.
I am proud of who I am and will not give up this fight. Life is a struggle to begin with and some struggles are hard for others and so hard to have families involved because they have problems of their own. So I want to let everyone know I love everyone I was around growing up: my uncles, aunts, cousins, and now my distant family I have moved closer to. One thing we must always remember is never to judge a book by its cover: we may not know what’s going on inside or what a person may be going through.
It’s so important that others not forget not to judge by the outside. I even have issues with my kids. I look fine; I don’t look sick, but I am. My children and others don’t see that. It’s important not to assume that just because someone looks okay from the outside it means they are fine. Just like me, many others dealing with chronic issues put on that mask every day, hiding every day from the labels of judgment from others; hiding the war of the struggles they are fighting inside.
Like always, I’m awake and ready to get up, just lying here waiting for my home health aide to help me get ready to motivate, do a little therapy for my walking. Is this seriously what it’s like getting old? I’m only 40, but I also have to remember that someone out there has it worse than me. Anyway I’m fixing to get up and put that face you guys see on me every day–it’s my security blanket, I guess–and think happy thoughts to keep that petty smile everyone always talks about on my face.
Everyone have a wonderful morning; no matter what is happening in your life, keep moving forward. Life is not over, it’s just a little harder at times. Love you guys; stay strong! I miss everyone.